Marriage in the 21st century

Marriage has changed over the years. From the meaning, its value, the roles each person plays, divorce rates and the nuptials. There's no doubt theres been a shift, but has this been for better or for worse?

We're all familiar with what is called a 'traditional marriage' and many will believe that marriages then were far better. They base this on the fact divorce rates were lower and because the marriages had structure. Though divorce rates where next to nothing, does this mean couples were happier? Given the times, divorces were frowned upon and women most likely did not have the freedom they do today to leave their partners. So how does this differ from marriages now?

Marriages are sacred and hold a lot of value. Nowadays this is definitely overlooked and the emphasis of marriage seems to be gearing towards the short lived celebration... the wedding day.

We're also seeing a decline in interest. Some have the desire but it's put on the back burner far behind their work and freedom. Men and women are not seeing the point in getting married and prefer to live together without the outward commitment. If you aren't a follower of Christ then it is very hard to see the purpose of marriage. For those that live outside the word of God live in a different realm hence marriage is just a piece of paper to them. But for those that walk with Christ will operate in a spiritual realm and notice the difference. With marriage comes far more than a piece of paper. There's purpose, favour, spiritual growth, reward, fidelity, spiritual intimacy, co-dependency, leadership, biblical mentorship & guidance, authority, order, accountability and a definitive love (not just butterflies).

The true definition of love has been lost. The word 'love' is used as and adjective. A word to describe our feelings. That also makes it momental 'I love the way he makes me feel', 'I love the way she looks.' We all know these lovey-dovey feelings can change in a heartbeat. In the bible love is a verb. A doing word, a choice we must make to show our love.

1 Corinthians 13

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails...

What is to blame? There are numerous reasons, but what seems to be at the forefront is modern day feminism and masculinity. The women want to live lives on par to the men and the men desire women of such high standards despite their own lacking. If you're going to be in contest with one another then forget the idea of marriage. We must understand that mem and women are different in their way of thinking, roles, purpose etc. Some people seem to think men are better than women by design. One is not more valuable than the other however our responsibilities and skillsets do differ.

As the world changes, we are steering away from the bible. Everything modern goes against Gods teachings and is causing destruction. For example divorce. Biblically it is not permitted, nowadays people celebrate divorce. Some believe we're better off but are we?

Who are our examples of marriage? We have the glamorous couples on our social media, the celebrities that appear to have the perfect relationship and the films that portray marriage very differently to how God intended it to be (to be discussed further in next blog). The people around you are imperative to the success of your marriage.

When is comes to 21st century Christian marriages there are a lot of questions and struggles around submission. It could be that you do you not trust your husbands choices or don't like the idea of being told what to do. There's a lot of misunderstanding about this scripture and many will interpret it differently. It's probably a mans favourite verse in the bible because they believe they get to dictate their wife, but this couldn't be further from the truth.

When the bible talks about submission in Ephesians 5:21-33 (see below) it opens with 21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. This verse has been overlooked. It speaks for itself and doesn't require any elaboration. All it requires is humility. Verse 22 then mentions women must submit to the husband. Women are weary to submit because of 1) pride & stubbornness 2) what they see in you. If the husband shows good leadership the wife feels at ease, she finds comfort and security. The husband is the umbrella and the wife/family are underneath, He keeps them covered and protected. Then there are other women who want to saved from hardship but want to be their own saviour. If you aren't submitting to your husband are you truly submitting to God?

It talks about the husband being the head. Yes the man is the head but the woman is somewhat like the neck. As the neck her role is to support the head and to help navigate you. The head needs the neck in order to pivot. The head and neck work simultaneously to turn left/right up/down. This means the head can not do life on its own, but only through the assistance of the neck, his wife.

The scripture then says 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,

This submission isn't 'you must listen to whatever I say.' It's not about the husband wanting Nando's, the wife wanting pizza and they end up with Nando's because the wife must submit. It is talking about spiritual submission. The wife is to submit under the husband as the spiritual leader, to trust and believe in him as an anchor of faith that he will guide her and the household to Christ teaching them in the ways of the Lord. Is that not what life is all about? What does it matter if you don't get your own way on all the other minor things.

It talks about selflessness and ultimately if we both lived to please the other, wouldn't we both be happy?

The scripture continues and reminds us that the husband and wife are two that have become one. Women, that doesn't just mean money, that also means the mother in law you don't get along with becomes your mum. Men that means your phone is her phone, there are no passwords.

It then closes with men need respect and women require love. That is the glue to a successful marriage. This verse is timeless. Men today still want respect first and foremost and women crave love.

If we adopt this scripture our marriages would flourish. It teaches a love that is completely like no other. The love we have in the world is all centred around 'me' and what 'makes me happy' and we want to be care free and frivolous. Sadly going from relationship to relationship doesn't allow you to reach certain depths that can only be found in a marriage.

Ephesians 5

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church- 30for we are members of his body. 31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Why does Christianity get a lot of scrutiny?

It's very common to see Christians/Christianity being mocked, questioned and slandered. Whether it be amongst your peers or on mainstream media, without a doubt there'll be a time where you witness an attack on the faith. As a Christian it can be disheartening and leads us to the question "why do we get so much scrutiny?"

There's an array of reasons but let us discuss a few.

Genuine Christians. If we look at numbers, we'll see that the majority of the world identify as Christians. This is most likely because their parents were and so if they had to tick a box on a form they would tick Christian. However, as we've discussed in our previous blogs (What is a Christian? Part 1-3) you'll find that these people that label themselves as Christians are not followers of Christ and so technically are not Christians. Why is this a problem? This means that these individuals live their lives as they please attaching the title Christian to it. Their lifestyles are most likely contrary to the word of God which means whatever they do is being attached to the religion. Imagine they chose to call themselves something else, that would leave far less Christians in the world but the remaining ones (most) would be a far better representations of Jesus Christ.

1 Corinthians 15:2 

By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you. Otherwise, you have believed in vain.

Christian examples. This could be someone you know or someone from social media. In life we tend to look up to people. Whether its down to their talent, wisdom, success, we often admire certain people. Being in the limelight as we know means most of your life is available for us to view. With this comes a-lot of judgement, accountability and scepticism. Why is this a problem? If you have a big audience and your actions are contradicting the bible, how will that look for the religion as a whole? Many people watching may have heard about Jesus but will not know about the love of Christ. If your lifestyle is displeasing to the Lord, how will this emulate his light? Instead what we find happens is that Christians get hold to this standard and it repels people to the faith but not from your fame.

1 Peter 4:1

Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because whoever suffers in the body is done with sin. 2As a result, they do not live the rest of their earthly lives for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. 3For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry. 4They are surprised that you do not join them in their reckless, wild living, and they heap abuse on you.

This chapter is titled Living For God and clearly outlines what is and isn't accepted as followers of Christ.

Bad experiences. People leave church after a bad experience with a fellow member or disagree with what the pastor/priest said. If you leave because you don't agree with the teachings, so be it. However, a lot of the time we find that people leave due to altercations, differences or lack of friendships. An example, a new comer attends church and upon arrival is not greeted, not seated and once the service is done finds them self standing alone whilst the rest of the church socialise. Not only is this poor hospitality, but completely contrary to the word of God. We are taught to love however sometimes our actions as Christians do not portray God. The sad part about that is people leave the house of God for reasons that don't bring glory to God.

Jude 1:18

They said to you, “In the last times there will be scoffers who will follow their own ungodly desires.” 19These are the people who divide you, who follow mere natural instincts and do not have the Spirit.

Various denominations. Over the years we are seeing more and more sectors of Christianity. Something that outsiders find misleading. The fact that we have so many different groups brings on questioning as to why Christians can not unify and which denomination is the right one. Over time we may even see more variations to come. As Christian's we should be able to unify in the fact that we believe in Jesus Christ as the messiah.

So why does Christianity get so much scrutiny? Because we have Christians who don't act accordingly and because the church is divided. On top of this Christians are perceived as timid and easy to mock with no repercussions. When inappropriate jokes are made about our Lord we tend to take the Jesus approach (turn cheek, love enemies). Yes Jesus was the lamb, but he was also the lion. We should stand bold to defend our faith. This is not something new, the bible warned us about mockery. See scriptures below.

Matthew 5:10

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Matthew 10:22

22You will be hated by everyone because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.

The bible also speaks about making a brother/sister/child stumble hence we must me very mindful as to how we carry ourselves and portray our faith.

Did you know?

Some of us are familiar with the verse;

"For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: “The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat.”

2 Thessalonians 3:10

We understand that this chapter is about idleness and the importance of working (specifically believers).

However, we can also apply this to our spiritual life. Those who are unwilling to work on their walk with God (read the bible, pray, follow Gods teachings) shall not eat from the blessings of God.

This doesn't mean it's transactional, but it does mean that those who fall in line with his will (or are trying to), will taste his rewards.